October has always been a challenging month for me, filled with memories of loss and grief. It's a month marked by painful anniversaries. Alvin, my beloved brother, was born on October 22, but we tragically lost him when I was just twelve years old. Eighteen years later, on October 21, 2003, we also lost our dear Mama. The timing of her passing, just one day before Alvin's birthday, has always felt particularly poignant and surreal to me. As this month is difficult not only for me but for many others, I feel compelled to share a part of a lesson I presented during a ladies' day event, focusing on navigating the complex emotions of grief and bitterness.
Ladies Day 2023: Adapted for this blog
One way people cope with another person's pain and grief is by trying to lighten the mood, perhaps by making jokes or saying something they believe will be comforting. After the loss of a loved one, some may say that God needed another angel or that God took the person for a reason. Others may try to console themselves by saying the person is in a better place, regardless of how they lived.
Have you heard someone say, "It could be worse," or "At least blank didn't happen..."? Usually, people mean well when they say these things. They are simply trying to provide comfort as best they can.
When it comes to our grief, others can't take it away, but knowing they care is comforting.
When I was 12, my cousin killed my brother, and there was nothing anyone could do. Eighteen years later, my mama passed away due to a pulmonary embolism, and again, there was nothing anyone could do. Then, a year after that, Daddy was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, and there was nothing anyone could do.
Words cannot heal our grief. People cannot truly comfort us because they do not have the power to do so. They cannot help. They are just as helpless as you are.
The One true Comforter is our Heavenly Father.
One biblical example of dealing with grief is King David, who is known for being "after God’s Own Heart." After David's son Absalom attempted to steal the throne and kill David, we see David directing his despair toward God in Psalms 3 instead of turning away from Him, as we may feel inclined to do in times of grief.
The account of David fleeing from his son Absalom can be found in 2 Samuel 15-17. Absalom managed to win the support of the people, creating a conspiracy to take over the throne from his father, David. The situation escalated rapidly, forcing David to flee Jerusalem with only a few trusted advisors to avoid being killed on Absalom’s orders. With this context in mind, let's delve into verses 1-2 of the third psalm.
“LORD, how my foes have increased! How many rise against me! Many say of me, “God will not deliver him.”
Things were so bad for King David that many said God would not deliver him.
Although we probably haven’t faced the trial of running for our physical lives from the hands of our children, I believe all of us have had times when our grief threatens to overtake us.
In this Psalm, we find David's example of expressing grief to God. It teaches us that God wants us to bring our problems to Him. Hebrews 4:16 emphasizes that we can approach the throne of grace to seek help in times of need. So, when trouble arises, we should turn to God, and when problems surround us, we should turn to the Lord.
In Verses 3-4, it is clear that David has focused on God instead of his grief.
“But You, O LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head. To the LORD I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy mountain.”
We see David expressing three great things that God was for him and can be for us.
First, David declares that the Lord is his shield. In times of trouble, David finds protection in the Lord, likening it to a shield. During ancient battles, shields were crucial for defense, providing protection from whatever the enemy hurled at them.
We might not require a physical shield today, but we do need the Lord’s protection. This shield is such that it surrounds the person of God, leaving no parts fully exposed. It is the shield of faith, which can quench the fiery darts of Satan (Ephesians 6).
When we use this shield, our physical body may suffer, and we may lose things near and dear to us, but we will not lose God, which is of utmost importance. Romans 8:39 tells us that absolutely nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. We are protected. We have a shield. Like a soldier must not lose his shield during battle, we must not lose our shield in our times of despair. Keeping ourselves grounded in our faith by studying God’s Word, attending Bible class, and surrounding ourselves with our brethren are just a few ways to stay faithful even during difficult times.
Second, the Lord is David's glory. David does not find his glory in the words of man. True glory is only found in the Lord. Are we sometimes more concerned about what others are saying and what others think about us than what our Heavenly Father thinks? We must remember that the glory of God is all that matters, and it is what can and must sustain us. Again, immersing ourselves in the Word of God, even when it’s hard, is one way to keep our minds on God and His glory.
Next, David describes what God can do for the downcast. He is the One able to lift our heads. Have you ever felt such utter despair that your head hangs low? I’d daresay we all know that feeling when we hang our heads and sigh. But God cares what happens. He can lift our heads. But still… we have to let Him.
Let us read Verses 5-6 to see how David describes his times of rest.
“I Lie down and sleep; I wake again, for the LORD sustains me. I will not fear the myriads set against me on every side.”
David can lie down and sleep even in despair and grief. How is that possible? What was his secret to restful nights?
How often do we lie awake at night, tossing and turning, pondering our problems? For David, we would expect anxiety and worry to keep his mind overrun. Shouldn’t his nights be filled with fear and worry for his own life and utter sorrow over the way his son has treated him? Maybe he would lie awake filled with self-blame for how Absalom turned out. I probably would have if I had been in David’s shoes. Wondering what I did wrong and how I could’ve handled things to make Absalom a better person.
Not David. He had faith that God would bring him to another day. He says that the Lord sustains him. While on the run, the Lord gives David sustenance and the strength to keep going.
We must have the mindset that David did, knowing that the Lord sustains us when we are faced with grief. We need to understand that the Lord will help us overcome our grief and that God is in control and will bring about what needs to be done. This understanding is vital in the life of a Christian today.
David had confidence that the Lord’s will would be accomplished. Do we?
Let us read the conclusion of the Psalm. Verses 7-8
“Arise, O LORD! Save me, O my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked. Salvation belongs to the LORD; may Your blessing be on Your people.”
David concludes his psalm by emphasizing that deliverance and salvation come only from the Lord. There is no other place to turn if we seek deliverance from our grief. Additionally, David prays for the well-being of the people, showing that he is concerned not only for himself but also for the blessings of God's people.
I had the privilege of attending an awards ceremony where the CEO of a college in Little Rock accepted a Legacy Award for his volunteer work. His words resonated deeply with me: "Blessings are supposed to flow through us.”
If we focus our attention on the plights of others and how we can help them, then maybe, just maybe, our grief will lessen and become bearable.
We must look forward to God wiping our tears from our eyes. Revelation 21:4:
“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”
Only God can provide true comfort, support, and solace to troubled hearts in times of deep sorrow.
Lord willing, I will share my lesson on bitterness next time.
Many blessings,
Leah Brewer
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